These past few weeks I have been struggling to overcome the so-called crisis in my personal life. I have been dealing with a major change in my life this past three months and it turns out that as much as change is necessary and promising, it is also challenging. It has been giving a hard time and driving me to my conscious of my personal existence in this world.
I have been working hard to find an answer towards my anxiety and sadness. At first, I believe that I’m not supposes to be sad. I’m on my way to reach my dream and I have nothing to complain about. But still, a change is a change. It comes with as much hopes and dreams as fears and hesitancies. On the one hand, I raise my hope high that someday I will be what I ever dream of, becoming a “real” university lecturer and a writer. On the other hand, sometimes I have a serious doubt about myself, about my ability to write, about my ability and strength to work hard and to finish what I have started. I also have concern about my financial situation. I plan to go to graduate school on the new academic year of 2009 but I have no money and sometimes I feel like I don’t have money to support my daily need also.
I began to think, is money the answer to my problem? Well, I don’t think so because every time someone is kind enough to offer me money, I said that it’s really not about the money. I feel that there’s always something missing, that I need something to do. I need to feel that my life is worth living and that I’m not wasting my time. I also need to feel connected with people especially the kind of connection that is based on similar ideals of a better world. I need to find meaning. Today, I find the answer.
I started my morning chit-chatting with my sister while browsing for the latest news from newsweek.com (love this website ^_^) There I find an interactive menu for inaugural addresses dated back from FDR to Obama. I click the link and there I saw my answer. The words of wisdom from FDR that stand the test of time and that proven to be as relevant then as it is now. Let me quote it:
“So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort. The joy and moral stimulation of work no longer must be forgotten in the mad chase of evanescent profit. These dark days will be worth all they cost us if they teach us that our true destiny is not to be ministered unto but to minister to ourselves and to our fellow men.”
This is exactly what I need an encouragement to erase all my fear, an encouragement to make me believe in myself, and an affirmation of what I have long believe that achievement and work is far more fulfilling than money.
So, here I am trying step by step to get out of my problems by embracing the path of life that I choose and by being grateful for all the spare time that I have and use it for something beneficial for myself and for others hopefully.
For all the unemployed out there or for those who face a change in a work place or in any kind of situation, just believe in the power inside you, believe in your strength, believe in the greater power that gives you all those strength, and don’t be afraid because fear will only move you further away from your hopes and dreams.
PS: Just keep busy and keep trying without counting the result that you may achieve. Work with your heart not your calculator ^_^
Surakarta, January 24, 2009
Sakdiyah, with a stronger spirit that hopefully cannot be broken
wow…kind of deep thought…
tetap semangat dan always be positive!!hehehe…
btw, i find out ur blog from ur comment bout wisnu’s note in FB ;)…it turns out that u really love to write..keep up the good work..^^
Dita, thanks a lot for the comment ya..
add a huge amount of spirit for me to keep writing…
Menulis sebenarnya impianku sejak kecil yang sampai sekarang belum bisa benar-benar kuwujudkan kecuali lewat serpihan-serpihan seperti yang kamu baca di blog ini..
But then again, I can’t complain because it’s not that easy to really make a writing career..
Dita ada blog juga? boleh tahu alamatnya?